still looking for a damn job

who said this was going to be easy? ugh. i'm online now applying for even more jobs. this reminds me so much of being in college. i applied everywhere and didn't hear from a damned soul.

if anyone knows of anyone hiring with decent pay, please let me know. i'd appreciate it.

yesterday was a rather uneventful day. didn't do too much but read through several publications and look at their employment ads... they're the ones i'm sending resumes to now.

yonnathan came over and we finally had the chance to talk and get things ironed out. was nice. we watched will & grace, then went to eat at wendell's. i baked biscuits. wendell warmed a can of soup. haha. it was good. oh, and he cooked rice and some steamed beans of some sort. they were good but i cannot tell you what they were.

wendell and i did go out to burkhart's last night, which turned out to be a bust. james was there. at least for a minute. that was until he decided to leave without telling anyone... payback? next time, don't drive. and call somebody.

i was supposed to go to le buzz tonight with raven but plans have altered a bit. not sure what i'll do now. something, i'm sure.

i've done much better with getting in touch with people... i'm slowly getting out of my funk. a job, i believe, would pull me out altogether. we wait on that, still.

if i haven't been in touch with you, i soon will. if i don't soon, i probably won't.

back to the job search. later

gettin' back to me

so i went to the job fair today. was alright although certainly not what i expected. i and about 20,000 other people snaked our way through the world congress center only to be dumped in a room with 300 companies looking, basically, to get their name out.

i gave my resume to those companies which was accepting them: home depot, turner (which includes cnn), lane company, cousins, bellsouth, the ajc... many of them.

i was almost in tears. i felt like such a little fish in a big pond. i was wondering the whole time, "why would they hire me" ya know. but then i remembered my little anonymous friend who said i should not feel victimized so i sucked it up. thanks friend.

yonnathan, wendell and i watched the game at woof's. was good but after the blowout was quite boring. i wouldn't have minded being there. however, after the rain delay, i'm glad i wasn't. it's not good for the newly permed or colored hair ya know. at least that's what the chick in illegally blonde said.

i'm at monte's now. we're catching up, which means a lot to both of us. he's so back to where he needs and wants to be. i think we may make an appearance at a local bar tomorrow. look for the fireworks if so.

chad just cooked me one of the best egg sandwhiches i've ever eaten. does that mean i'm really country after all?

i'm being unsocial. let me go.

braves clinch it!

the braves clinched their fourteenth division title... actually, it was decided before the game was even finished. the phillies lost, so. oh well. still a clinch. now on to the world series.

rain delay...

the braves are up 2-0 but it's raining... maybe we'll clinch tonight?

i went to the job fair today. more about it when i have time. right now, i'm drinking. you know, that has the be the most important thing in life, right?

seems i have a lot of people who want to determine my life. to them, i say fuck off.

in other news... there's not much.

tweakin' my resume...

there's a huge job fair tomorrow so i'm tweaking my resume a bit. normally i tailor the objective to the company to which i'm applying. however, there are going to be more than one-hundred companies there. that means it has to be one of those generic i want to work for your company because... sorta things.

this weekend has bit a bit fun. went to the braves game yesterday. thanks yonnathan! the tickets were fun but we decided to hit the bud zone in the top of the chop in outfield. it was actually rather fun to watch the game from there. normally, prefer to be as near home plate as possible.

if you see paul out there... run. you'll hear nothing but... just run.

i need to run. i've got work to do.

anonymous commentator...

to you i want to say this: thanks for having me on your mind. i'm not certain who you are but from your several comments (if this is, in fact, just one person) that i am right on the forefront of your mind.

however, i do wonder why you would want to comment anonymously and not reveal who you are. it's obvious that you have strong feelings about my life. maybe you could help me out with your expertise, which you so freely but cowardly offer.

as far as spell-check, as you mentioned in one of your posts, i don't pay attention to spelling nor grammar when i type here. it's called a blog. an online-journal. i'm not hoping for a pulitzer here. don't doubt for a second, though, that i cannot spell or speak or write your ass under the table. two national awards, one state and several college and high school awards back me up.

that's all for you, whomever you may be.

it's so boring being without a job...

i don't think i ever want to retire. not that it is even a remote possibility at this point. but, what do people do with their time?

today i've gone to the bookstore. looked through about four publications for jobs. ate at subway. walked a bit. cleaned (very little). ugh.

all the jobs i've found are either shitty or too little pay. at this point, i have to make at least $13 an hour. anything less and i might as well take up residence with all these damn evacuees. seriously. it's getting tough.

oh well. life goes on, i've learned. in the end, it all works out, too. but it's this middle shit that is so rough.

wendell and i are going out to eat somewhere tonight. should be fun. i haven't seen him in about a week, i think. i've just not been up for company.

the key west trip was awesome... and took my mind off things. but now it's back to the real world, as leslee said. yeah, well i'm tired of the real world hassling me (i stole that from a musician).

tomorrow is matt's birthday bash at red chair. i talked to james earlier. he's gonna be there, too. jeanine, i'm sure, will be too. it'll be fun. besides, matt promises to get wasted. that should be hilarious.

there's another job fair friday i'll be attending. thanks to the fuckers at post, i'll have some nice clothes to wear. speaking of which, i went yesterday to pick up money they owed me for uniform alterations (they require dress clothes but stop at waist size 30. we all know mine is 29). seems they've hired a female to replace me. that only helps my argument that i believe david and his insecurities were partly the cause of my being let go.

nicki and nick were very cordial. joelle, kristina and david were their usual selves. bitches. david never stepped from his office, which probably was best. he'll get a piece of mind if i ever see him out. not a threat, but a promise. i doubt he'll ever know, though, because he's a recluse and a poor excuse for a person.

kristina can just go to hell. she's spineless.

enough of that.

there's many of you who i haven't been in contact with and promise i'll try soon. i always like to be positive and there's not much of that right now. as soon as i can make myself, i'll call and we'll catch up. try to understand and not hold it against me, meanwhile.

i need go. sports illustrated came in the mail today.

back in atlanta... finally!

it took freakin' forever. ugh! it was well worth it, though.

after eating at dave's, we walked along lincoln road (which i learned is actually a ten-block pedestrian mall) then to ocean drive. i hate to sound ungrateful and i promise i'm not... but it didn't impress me at all.

the whole place was too cramped... lacked a welcoming feel... and was - concrete. too cold.

the beach, however, was quite the opposite. granted, the waves were beginning to swell due to rita. a red flag didn't stop me from wading in the water, but only to my knees. very pretty.

i sware it seemed like four-hundred-thirty-six hours from there to here. we left around two, which must have been when everyone else left, too. traffic was stop and go for more than ten miles before returning to normal.

i don't think i've ever longed to see atlanta as much. glad to be home. now have to look for a job. imagine that. no more vacationing! ha.

i have a few leads at cnn... one is a writer position, the other a tour guide. i person who works there said you have to work your way up so i don't mind starting at the bottom.

ugh... i have all my laundry to do. dishes are dirty. the bathtub is filthy. someone want to help?

leslee said she is coming into town this weekend. it's about damned time! i haven't seen her in... wow. oh, yeah. my birthday. anyway, it'll be a blast to see her. we should begin to save our bail money now. she's supposed to go to key west in two weeks... depends on rita.

poor thing. she was supposed to be in mississippi right after katrina.

the braves play tonight. i'll be watching that. not much more.

going to the beach...

we're awake... about to head to dave's to have breakfast. then, i think, we're supposed to walk along the beach and lincoln street.

it's at some point today that we'll head back to atlanta. i'd assume around noon.

joshua is safe... and sunburned

apparently, joshua went for a swim in the gulf this morning at nine. he said he woke up as the sun was setting quite a ways from where he entered the water. doesn't know how he got there and only remembers a bit of the swim.

i'm glad he's alright because he scared the hell out of me. for almost twelve hours, we canvassed the island. called the police. hospital. jail. bars.

it's a good thing he showed up when he did. there was a mandatory evacuation for the island because of tropical storm rita. the police told us no matter what, we had to be gone by eight a.m. monday morning.

so, now we're spending the night in miami with robert. he's a friend of tom's who lives on south beach. cute little place here. miami is pretty but definitely not me.

i'm gonna shower and try to get some sleep. it's been a long, long day after an awesome week.

about to leave...

anyone know a way to transport an suv and three people back to atlanta without driving?

we're leaving. very hesitantly but we have to go. it's been a blast.

8:30 wake up call?

yeah. that's because we had to board the catamaran at 9:30. the key west fury was to take us out on an eight hour cruise, complete with snorkeling, kayaking, jet-skiing, parasailing and tours of the island.

we made it, although we were a bit sluggish. tom almost got sea sick before we boarded. seems he forgot that he often got motion sickness and the floating dock -- which he concentrated on like a nasa scientist -- was making things worse.

we cruised out to a reef in the gulf, tied off and jumped in. we were warned not to touch the coral because of killing it, but besides that, given free reign to go anywhere we wanted.

snorkeling has to be the next best thing to flying as far as peacefulness and being close to God. laying on the water, seeing all the fish... feels like you're in an aquarium. i even swam alongside two different schools of fish. amazing!

one of the schools was bright blue fish whose backs illuminated a neon purple as the sun reflected through the water. they didn't seem to mind me... just swam perfectly as they do stopping briefly to nibble off coral.

tom saw a baracuda... i didn't get to see that but i did see many other large fish. even the cool little one that has his eye - obviously - and then a spot on his tail to fool predators. it made me wonder... i know it's a cool defense mechanism. but, should a larger fish bite at his tail, wouldn't he bleed thus attracting sharks leading to death anyway?

sometimes i shouldn't think so much.

joshua and i went kayaking... we saw a few beached boats on a couple sandbars then one that was burned out from katrina. on the burned one was several pelicans. much like the fish, they just looked at us like what are ya'll doing here. it might not have been ya'll... not sure if they were southern pelicans.

breakfast and lunch was provided so we ate on the boat while meeting people from around the country. it was awesome.

coming in, it was all-you-could-drink alcohol. needless to say, we were tipsy stepping off.

and here... get this... there are pools inside the clubs. that's where we headed and lounged for a while. it was weird at first but we got used to it.

back at the hotel we napped. then we went out again. joshua was pooped so he stayed in.

we went to the drag show at 801... it's not the same as atlanta but is alright. here, it's much, much more catered to tourist. the i'm-at-home feel you have in atlanta is missing here. just with drag, though, not all the clubs.

brad b. in key west...

brad... if you're reading this, check your e-mail. i'm in key west and sent you my phone number.

i need a tour guide. gonna look for you and samantha meanwhile.

early bed time

joshua thought it would be funny to hit me with the telephone book to awaken me. i did not.

then there was ice thrown.

this, just less than two hours after i went to bed from having driven all but about two hours of the fourteen hour drive.

i wasn't happy but remembered i was in the keys... and that the drive home was way too long to be silent and mad, so i showered and we finally ventured out.

we went back to the southernmost point of the island, which is just ninety miles from cuba. it's pretty neat but confusing since there is land that is more south...

duval street was our next stop... bar stools beckoned us from the hot sidewalk for a cold drink. cape cod for me. we had a couple at bourbon pub (the sister bar of the same name in new orleans where i won the 'student body' contest). scott, our bartender, was extremely nice and was very well versed about the island. i hammered him with questions about moving down here as he did the same thing with us with alcohol.

tipsy, we walked on, stopping in a few shops looking for swim trunks. it was me. i was the dumb ass who left mine at home. i didn't find any i liked.

tom... somewhere... in all his bargain hunting, had buy-one-get-one-free tickets for about three bars. while i was whining for food, he and joshua were marching stronger than sherman did to savannah to the next bar.

irish kevins saw two more margaritas for me... there was a jello shot somewhere along the way. i remember because there's a spot on my brand-new white shirt.

oh, leslee... if you haven't deleted the voice mail, forward it to me. at least tell me what i said, 'cause i don't remember.

scott told us to eat at a & b something... so we did. it wasn't until the second bucket of crustaceans that i realized what i was eating was clams... not the oysters i had wanted all along. by this time, our neighbors... a lovely couple from sarasota... had joined in our conversation. who knows what it was about?

anyway, the gentleman... i think his name was rob... told our server to bring mathew some oysters. and make sure they're just for mathew! she did... a dozen... and even had fashioned a flag that said "only for mathew". how nice.

when we attempted to leave... they insisted that we stay longer. i and they had three more rounds. tom stopped after one. joshua passed out on the toilet.

the conversation was awesome. suzan and her husband wanted to know everything about us... our lifestyle. the guy was a former navyman. he said "people where people". he didn't care. suzan, poor thing, is trying to make her son gay. she says she doesn't know if he is, only "it can happen". but she wants it...

i had to part... joshua had passed out - again - on the pier from which we were eating. tom went to get the car, running through the streets like he was in mission impossible. can't you see it?

ha ha. we're having a blast.

more later.

so there's this bike thing...

it's a poker run in key west, folks. bikes are everywhere. thirty-thousand in all.

and all those bikers are sleeping in nice hotel rooms around the island. that's why we slept in the car until a room came available. can you imagine?

actually, tom and joshua slept. with the odor and heat, i couldn't stand it. i, instead, took about a three mile walk around the island. i love boats and was enthralled with the number here. yachts, sailboats, fishing boats, navy boats, cruise ships. wow.

we're finally in a hotel now... it's almost eleven. i'm taking a nap.

leaving for key west

i know. i don't have a job. no money.

tom and joshua insisted i come.

more details as they become available.

at least i tried.

while at burkhart's, we went upstairs where knew a certain person would be playing pool. certain person never spoke. only a limp hand wave. sa la vie.

i tried. i sat in the corner there for three whole games before giving up.

i know things aren't the way they once were. but what else am i supposed to do? feelings have changed. situations have changed.

oh! i know. i'm supposed to grow up. because i'm not twenty-three, really. and other people say bad things about me. they're true, you know?

believe them if you want to. the truth poors only from my mouth. those you cowardly listen to and head to for advice are only telling you what you want to hear.

being single for the past, say, oh, YEAR, has been nice. it's had its terrible times. but i'm beginning to realize the less you have in your life, the better off you are.

(by less, i mean men)

interesting night...

the braves won in extra innings. i lost my mind afterwards.

tom and i had listened to the game then went to blake's. then to burkhart's. then to the heretic. somewhere between sanity and drunkeness, i dropped my mind.

yeah, i was that guy on the dance floor. but, he was cute. i'm depressed. ha.

why do i do things like that?

thanks, so much...

when i checked my e-mail today -- the first time since saturday -- i had more than fifty messages. many were jeff francoeur e-mail alerts.

there were e-mails, though, from leslee, richard and carson that made my day.

thanks for thinking about me and being concerned. with the faith you guys and the rest of my friends hold, too, i will be back on my feet before you know it.

and, yes, leslee, i hope it's a better job where i will make "our" millions.

one t

jobless :: day five

technically, it's been a week. but five business days. i know now how god created the world in seven. these days have lasted forever. stuck inside my loft doing nothing. i'm eating myself out of house and home.

i hate judge judy yet i haven't missed an episode in three days. her show is on twice a day.

i know commercials, word-for-word. the destruction in new orleans and the states of mississippi and alabama are forever etched in my mind.

i'm thankful, though. i have no job. yet, i have my loft, my car, dry clothes, running water. when i flip a switch, light fills the room. unspoiled milk sits in my refrigerator for me to enjoy. i'm lucky.

i got mad, though, about all these evacuees being here. they're taking away jobs, i thought. maybe they are and maybe they will. but should i be mad?

i went to the department of labor and the whole state of new orleans, it seems, was there in front of me. even when i reached the receptionist, i was told to come back tomorrow. by one person, i was told i was "too smart" to be there.

what do you do in a situation like i'm in where you're "too smart" to be in the department of labor yet there are no suitable jobs in the ajc?

i'm really contemplating volunteering at the red cross shelters here. of course, i won't have an income to pay my rent, truck payment, insurance, phone bill, etc. but, i will have more of a peace of mind.

i don't need to be sitting at home fuming because of ordinary people who, though no fault of their own, lost everything and need help more than i.

i need to be helping them.

baseball on the radio

you know, sometimes it is nice just to sit back and listen to baseball on the radio.

my mom always encouraged us to use our imagination growing up. we didn't have expensive toys to play with (we didn't lack anything) so she showed us how to make tents from sheets and cities with bricks, buckets and pans. it made the most awesome matchbox-car city ever. (i would beat them with a hammer, then set them afire so that the firefighters could rescue people)

anyway... it's nice just to imagine the field. listen to the announcers as they say... "it's going... high in right field... griffey back to catch... at the track... it's... it's... gone!"

you don't have the opportunity to see it with your eyes. you have to imagine. you have to give up a part of you to see it, yet you still only see it in your mind.

i love it.

i was supposed to be at the game. just as well, though.

solitude... ahhh, solitude!

well, almost.

we were in the mountains, which provided the solice. however, the debate shattered the air like chainsaws after a tornado.

it was "progressive debate" i'd say. you know, the kind when people have differences of opinions yet agree to disagree.

j.c., mike, wendell, tom, natalie, her friend and i spent the afternoon grilling out, swimming in the lake, taking stupid pictures and talking about current events.

the main, of course, was hurricane katrina. it turns out we all agreed that it was a devastating event, something we've none seen the likes of. even september eleventh, in all it's atrociousneess, pales.

yet, it seems, they think it's president bush's fault. while i don't totally exonerate him, i don't believe the blame falls upon his shoulders. there are so many more people who should share blame, and more of it.

for example... the mayor of new orleans should have prepared and served his city better. that means allowing his police force to enforce the mandatory evacuation orders he gave. that means lining city buses for those elderly and impovershed to hop aboard and leave town.

then, the governor, the democratic woman she is, should have had in place her states national guard troops to help the city and county governments with evacuations. she should have had them on call no later than the time katrina initially left the florida coast.

one important call no one made... to fema. a letter was written but help was not requested.

the reason we have local, city, county and state governments is to handle situations smaller than those reserved for our national government. no one can expect our president to micro-manage the country.

we coul debate this forever. there will be blame. fema will share some as will the president.

but i dare say the most will fall directly upon the watches of the local, county and state governments of the state of louisiana.

oh... i got on my soap box.

we also talked about coming out, growing up and some other stuff.

it wasn't as interesting.

another day of joblesslness...

so, today was very unproductive. i've done practically nothing other than head to the department of labor, which was filled with refugees from new orleans. i hate what they're going through but i can't stop selfishly believing that their presence here will not help my plight for a job.

on a better note... i do think that i will volunteer at one of the shelters here at some point. there are more than 1,000 survivors at various shelters around the metro area. i certainly have the expertise having lived through the floods of 94 and 98 and then the two tornados in camilla.

it would really be ideal to find a paid position that allowed me to help them, not that i'm wanting to make money from their devastation. it would just be ideal.

god bless all of them. keep them in your prayers. it's a disaster of, dare i say, biblical proportions.

post properties suck

at least kristina o'hare does. she was my manager until she terminated my employment wednesday. according to my seperation notice, i was terminated due to "general unreliability/no confidence".

i would hate to think why she doesn't have confidence in me, a leasing consultant who had just signed two leases on saturday... who just got 100's on both my in-person and phone shop... ugh. it's disappointing.