ugh.

why is it that i have to be mad or upset to clean? whatever the reason, it's a good thing in the words of my pal martha stewart. i am beginning to do laundry, which hasn't been done in forever. my tub is literally filled with towels.

i changed daniels water. poor fish was about to drown in a pool of water reminiscent of the bat cave. he's happy now.

i really don't hate boys like i said. i love them. i want one. but i'm tired of being hurt. really fucking disgusted with being hurt.

why is it that i like and love so easily and they just can dispose of their emotions like a ragged tee shirt... what am i doing wrong?

i really don't want to be the jaded, bitter queen no one wants to be around. i hate those. but i'm slowly becoming one. i have to remind myself that the next guy isn't the last although the qualities are almost like a mirror to the one before. they deserve a chance, some credit, right?

my mood is just blah today. not really a bad mood. certainly not good but just somewhere in a vortex in between.

i need to shower. i have to shave. i'm hungry. maybe there is something to do? i wish it was a bit warmer... i'd go to the pool.

i need to get out of town but i have absolutely no free time until this movie thing is done. i'm working five days and have shoots on the weekend (not that i'm complaining; i'm totally stoked about it and having a blast.).

speaking of work... i'm transferring to be lead greeter at ecco. i may still wait tables once-in-a-while but the door offers less hours, less work and more (consistent) money. it can't be a bad thing.

once i do have some free time, i'm going to be volunteering at the center for visually impaired. i got the information way back when but never turned it in. a guest at ecco the other night turned out to be the executive director and she told me to get it to her so she could put me to work... so, i am. that'll help my mood, too. it always feels good to help others.

weirdly, i feel a bit better. and the laundry is calling. gotta run.