I woke up in dallas all stuffy and feeling as if I were in the middle of a before sudafed commercial. It didn’t get much better throughout the day so I bought some medicine at the airport before we boarded to head to atlanta.
Shortly after begninning service, my head began to pound and it felt as if someone were stabbing me in the ear with a dull knife. Then at decent, oh my god. I would have rather been walking on glass. I found myself locked in the lav jumping up and down like a kid with tears running down my cheeks. I honestly thought at one point my ear drum had ruptured.
There was no way I was going on to d.c. from atlanta. I called out sick.
at home, I slept... and slept... and slept. Probably from the tylenol sinus and excedrin but I slept almost twenty hours straight. I still have a slight headache but my ear drum is, to the best of my knowledge, still in tact although hearing from it was limited last night.
Remember, kids, don’t fly with sinus trouble.
Also, don’t let your damn cat out of the bag on a plane, either. Cat in the literal sense as in feline, house pet, etc. people travel and bring their pets with them. Fluffy is tired of being in the bag and many want to take them out on the plane. Well, guess what? People (like me) are allergic to them and many (like a woman on the plane last night) are terrified of them.
While doing service, shortly before the big buzzing ear problem, a felt something brush against my leg. I looked down, in the dark, to see nothing. My pretzel bag had shifted, I assumed.
then I thought about the cat lady. She had already asked me if she could move to a row alone so they’d be more comfortable. Yeah. She had two. In matching bags, no less. To that I said o.k. but told her she must keep them in the bag when she asked if she could take them out.
Well, the cat lady was reading a magazine so I didn’t think her cat was out of the bag. After all, I had just taken an arsenal of medicine to get rid of my throbbing sinus headache. I could be imagining things, right?
No, because shortly after, maggie felt the same thing. The cat. I knew it. Then passengers saw it. Meanwhile, it’s dark in the cabin besides the few sparse reading lights a select group of passengers used to read.
Maggie is now chasing the cat as it brushes up against – and startles – passengers. Who’d ever think about a cat being on board?
Still, the cat lady is in her on stupor reading her magazine, probably cat weekly, while the plane is amuck. Maggie corners the kitty and we have to go all the way to the back – where the woman and her cat are sitting alone – to return the freed feline.
The cat must have unzipped the bag itself, the catlady said. Sure. Call david letterman. He has a spot on his shot for that pussy.
Second lesson tonight, don’t let the cat out of the bag. Especially on a plane.
- While I’m ranting... other things not to do on planes:
don’t shit in the toilet without making sure it all flushes. There is not water in the toilets, for obvious reasons. But, with a flush or two, the water will flush it all out. Be courteous, why don’t you? - speaking of shit, don’t change your babies diaper in the seat. Especially in business class. They’re baby changing tables in the bathroom. Use those. Spare us.
don’t complain because we don’t take cash. Who cares if other airlines do? We don’t and you’re not flying the others. You chose us now deal with our policies. Credit or debit card or no alcohol. Complain to someone else. - don’t call me a steward/stewardess. I am your flight attendant. Or mathew. Either is acceptable. The first two are not.
- if someone on your row asks for something and you want something as well, ask when they ask. Don’t let me go get them something then you ask when I get back. I don’t mind, really, it’s just annoying as hell. And we will talk about you. I promise.
- don’t ask me where we are. I have no clue. We’re in a plane above someplace between where you got on and where you’ll get off. When I look out the window, I see the same little pretty town with green trees and ponds and even cars. Oh, and houses on perfectly aligned streets. Could be sale city for all I know.
If I think of anything else, which I’m sure I will, I’ll let you know. For now, though, start with those.
I’m wide awake following my stint of sleep... I think I’ll watch a movie. Maybe I’ll stay up all night. I have a lot to do tomorrow.
Later.
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