i thought i'd share the latest e-mail weighing in on the situation with my mother. under normal circumstances, i'd not share this with the public. perhaps through all this one might be able to have a better understanding of where i am coming from.
Mathew,
Someone told me that you were in South Georgia working at the Expo this past week, yet you didn't have the decency to contact your mother. She called me yesterday to ask if I had heard from you and I told her no, and that I didn't expect to. After all, I am the one who sold you the Blazer that cost you so much money in repairs, or at least that's what you told Brannon. It doesn't matter to me how mad you are or what you say about me.
As you and I have discussed many times, there are things in your past that could have been different and better, but you aren't the only one with a not-so-perfect childhood. The problem is that you refuse to let it go. Do you care how your mother felt when someone told her they saw you at the Expo, yet you were too busy to take the time to call or come to see her? And this is the same thing that you did when your grandmother died. Do you think you can sneak into town and no one will see you and tell Kay? Sale City is too small for that much privacy. Where does all this bitterness and resentment come from? I'm no psychologist, but I think a lot of it comes as a result of things you were told as you were growing up by some of the Palmer family. (The settlement check is blood money, welfare money, etc.). The irony is that Kay was always nice to your grandmother and spoke very highly of her. I'm sure that the comments came from your aunts as I can't imagine your grandmother spewing such ridiculous garbage. I can assure you of one thing. Never, ever would Robert think or imply that the $700 a month I received in child support for years should have been handed over to him instead of paying for living expenses, and I can assure you that $700 a month isn't a drop in the bucket compared to what it costs to raise a child. Whether you have one child or five, you still have to feed, clothe and provide shelter for your family, and $700 merely scratches the surface. I've been there and I know.
The position you put your mother in because of the Blazer is unthinkable. Did you really tell Ray Muggridge that you have been sending the payments to her and Charles and that they have been spending the money? If you did, that is a very flimsy excuse as you could have mailed the payments directly to the bank, especially if you thought they were taking the money! I suppose they will have to pay your old parking tickets that you chose to ignore as the law has contacted YOUR MOTHER to pay them or she will lose her driver's license. Just be glad that I didn't co-sign the Blazer note with you because if I were forced to make the payments, I would be the one driving it, and it would be parked in MY YARD. And don't bother to tell me that this is none of my business because Kay discussed it with me, and it is her business.
Here's some unsolicited advice. Take the time to reflect on your life, especially over the past few years, and realize how very unstable things have been. Who's to blame? Not your mother! In all of my years, I've never met another person who has had as many jobs as you. And I can assure you that there have been many times that I have been so fed up with my job that I wanted to walk out, but I didn't. Jumping from job to job to job to job and moving from here to there is not normal behavior, regardless of how you try to justify it. You have issues that need to be resolved or you'll never settle down and be happy (although I'm sure you think you're happy now.)
I am not saying these things to make you mad or hurt you, but saying them because I love you, I love my sister and want you to realize what you're doing before it's too late. Please let the bitterness go, and realize that you are hurting yourself at the same time you're hurting others.
Aunt Betty
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3 comments:
this was my response.
betty:
whomever told you i was in south georgia working at the expo was right. i'm here but am leaving tomorrow. i have yet another job so i have to be back in atlanta to get things together to leave.
decency, i don't believe, is the word to describe my not going to see my mother. rather, integrity is best to illustrate why i didn't stop on bush street.
honestly, i cannot remember exactly why i got mad at you but the blazer has been a sore thumb -- or a lemon. i've repaired the transmission, the radiator and cooling system, the battery (twice) and the alternator. the cost of repairs have almost outweighed the value of the vehicle. i should have been smarter when i purchased this piece of shit, which had the service engine light on in it.
and, like you, i don't care what you say about me, either. but, i will address those things you've taken the liberty to e-mail me about.
first and foremost, you are right. there have been countless times when i've sat at your house and shared with you my feelings concerning my relationship with my mother. each time -- and still today -- i've told you how much i love her but cannot stand her putting me to the side. i've come behind charles, dave, leah, all of the burches, lottery tickets, headaches and even strangers. at what point do you say enough is enough?
i've done a lot of good, all of which i learned how to do from my mother, nana, nannie, mrs. jackson and even you among other very influential women. i know that i've not been the model child, though. i've done a lot of bad. however, i didn't lay out... do drugs... become an alcoholic... commit crimes. i'm not a monster.
you say my problem is that i refuse to let it go. perhaps. but put yourself in my shoes. what would you do? you referenced robert and what you imagine he'd not do. do you think he doesn't still have animosity towards uncle jim, much of which is fueled by you?
how am i supposed to feel, aunty betty, when my mother in the past two years has called me fewer times than i have fingers other than the harassing phone calls about my blazer payment being late? how am i supposed to feel when for the last three years my mother has not called me at all on my birthday and on this past year told charles to call? how?
you're right. you are no psychologist so you should really consider putting all your unsolicited advice in a dear betty column where someone really cares. the palmer family did nothing but what a family should do. of course they had things to say about the way my mother raised me. do you remember how many times they drove from newton to pick me up after charles -- a grown man -- and i would fight? do you remember there being nine and ten people living in a three bedroom trailer?
none of the palmer family despises my mother but they all would agree that she could have done -- and was very capable of -- a better job raising all of us, not just me. but when you allow one of your sons to just leave and sit back and wait on him to come around, not attempting to show him love, what does one do? when you have a mentally handicapped son, which you allow your worthless husband to beat, what does one do? when you have one son who is just star everything and you boast that from the rafters, what does one do? when you have a daughter who whimpers then has a silver spoon in her mouth, what does one do?
remember, i was the one in college left alone to fend for myself. it was my aunt joyce who helped me get an apartment. my mother, your sister, refused. it was my nannie who would send me $20 a month, half her earnings from baby-sitting. my mother, if she answered the phone, would say she had nothing to send. it was her, too, that sent me a $100 check on my birthday (which jennifer went to pick up from her and bring in september) that said, 'this is not a gift. we need it back as soon as possible.). it was drawn on gertrude's account.
do you see where i'm going with this. and don't be fooled. my grandmother was the best woman to ever grace the face of this earth. but don't believe for a minute she didn't weigh in on my mother's lack of motherly ability. i won't go into all the stuff i've ever heard but rest assured my grandmother didn't sit back and bite her tongue.
i never asked nor expected all of the blood money to be mine. however, as my dad's only child, i do think i would have priority. remember, greg, dave and i got social security for years. how am i paying for college? i can't. how did i get a new car? how did i pay for senior portraits, a class ring? they certainly didn't come from kay and charles' pockets like all the others. it was money from my dad.
the position i put my mother in is not as unthinkable as you think. and no, i did not tell ray muggridge that i have been sending them payments. what i told him was the truth and that is this: my paycheck from walb went into their account. in january and february, gertrude was supposed to pay the payments. however, when i moved back to atlanta, i received a bill that said i was three months behind. i called my mom, who told me they were paid. i then called the bank, who said they weren't. my mother told me they had the receipts to prove it yet everytime i called she made an excuse, was in the bed 'sick' or had another call. what does that make you think?
speaking of what you think, i hope the two of them have not brainwashed you to think they have been making payments, thus deserving this piece of shit vehicle to be parked in their yard. i have made absolutely every payment that has been made on it. i have the records and i have the receipts. they haven't paid a damn penny.
and don't fret, oh wise one. i have arranged to pay those parking tickets. your precious sister won't have to worry about mr. policeman pulling her over without license. it may take me time but i can pay my bills on my own.
betty, i don't need to reflect on my life. i need to look at today. i'm doing that and i am ecstatic about where my life is and where it is going. i have the greatest group of friends one could ever ask for. i'd love to have my family, too, but i am too tired of being the one to concede. i can say and will that i am not perfect. there are many of you i've hurt. however, i'm tired of hearing, she's still your mother. hell, i know that. but when will someone say to her: kay, he's still your son?
your unsolicited advice has been taken as i see fit, which is not much at all.
mathew
I believe you owe your aunt and the rest of your family an apology. I like the fact that you said Leah was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. Last I heard, she was working three jobs and going to school. Would you like to know hwy she has three jobs? She has to pay for home, vehicle, and her school. Strong person, I think. As for Dave, I think his life has turned out a lot better than yours, as well. At least he did something with his life other than hopping jobs and moving miles away so that his family can't see how he chooses to live his sexuality out.As for trashing Greg, it is not his fault he is the way he is. He is not mentally retarded, he has just been babied forver. As for John, he is 100 more of a man than you'll ever be. The faults that put on your mother and your step-father are absurd. Things may not have always been so perfect in your life, but they weren't that bad Mr. Palmer. By the way, does your family even know about this site? Would you like to call tham and ask them to look at all the horrible things you say about them? Didn't think so.
there you go, again. it's me who owes someone else an apology. i'm the wrong one.
i never said leah was born with a silver spoon in her mouth. after all, she's a burch. what i said is that each time she whimpered, she got what she wanted.
i think you're out of the loop more than i, anon. last i heard, leah had graduated -- with her g.e.d. and was working only one job. perhaps if she has more it's because of her boyfriend she supports. and, don't forget that the last time i talked to my mother she told me she was sending leah money to buy groceries. leah's not perfect.
of course dave's life turned out better than mine. i cannot count the number of times that i was told that he was the model child and asked why i couldn't be more like him. dave's life came from his decision to join the military and the benefits that came with it. it certainly wasn't from our parents.
i haven't trashed anyone on here, especially greg. out of all my family, he's probably the one i care for the most. he's very talented as a writer and artist yet is cooped up in an abusive household just like my mother. it her and him and that choose to live in such a ridiculous lifestyle. i chose better for myself, like dave, which i believe fuels your anger as well as my family's resentment.
and john... remember was not raised by my mother. he was raised by his father. your comment that he's better than me is not testament to my mom, either.
did you ever walk in my shoes, anon? can you tell me what in my childhood was not 'that bad'? until you can, i suggest you keep your comments to yourself.
as far as whether my family knows about this site, i have no clue. i don't really care. if i did, i'd write all this in a notebook and hide it under my bed. instead, i have chosen to post my journal online so that my friends and aquaintances can view my life and the goings-on of mine. i am not concerned about whether they know. perhaps since you're such an expert on my family, you can direct them here. maybe then they'll fully understand where i coming from.
at what time are you going to tell me who you are so that i can call or drop by so you can tell me all this your face as you offered in an earlier post. i'd love to.
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