merry christmas, y'all

the last time i cried while typing was in 2002. something bad happened to me and i just couldn't take it. thankfully, i had two friends - grant and james - who were there for me.

this time, it's different. the tears are not of embarassment. they're not of shame. they're of missing the hell out of my friends. the tears are realizing just how important my 'family' is to me.

it's christmas and it's not even cold. it doesn't seem real. one person i work with said she felt like a fool, like someone running around in july screaming merry christmas.

however, the web of friends i've made is a cocoon for me. they've wrapped me in their arms and thoughts and well-wishes. the connection here is unreal. the comradarie is amazing.

it doesn't keep me from thinking about things back home, though. it doesn't make me miss going to my nannies, who i lost a year ago. grannie croft and mr. adwon and their cute late-in-age marriage and romance. gifts. cool weather.

it doesn't make me realize that i can't send everyone a gift. but it doesn't keep me from sending a prayer.

this journey has been amazing and i'm sure it'll only get better as time passes and april sneaks up on us. but tonight is going to be different.

i'll go to bed alone... only my 'family' on the ship. i'll wake up without santa but have every card and gift i've received in my mind.

it is my hope that each and every one of you wake up with the one you love. it is my charge that i tell you to share your love with each and every person around you. i dare you to tell them how much you love them. double-dare you to show it.

it is my hope that my family, with whatever thoughts and activities they have, is happy. it is my hope that they're content.

i hope that my nannie is still looking down upon me and approving of my (almost) every move.

it is my hope that for that one person who deserted his family will come home. that he realizes what a mistake he has made.

it is my hope that we can be together. at least tolerable.

it is my hope that each of you know how much i love, adore and care for you.

merry christmas, y'all.

aloha.
one t