no friend of mine would ever desert me nor do the things that my mother and her husdand have done. i'll leave it at that as far as what i am talking about but i will expand on how i feel.
it has been almost two years since i talked to my mother. i have heard her voice but it has only been voice messages on my phone, normally in a very evil tone warning me to pay my car note, etc.
as if she had a straw, she drew the last one today. i have no use for her whatsoever and consider her the worst failure as a mother that this earth has ever seen. anyone who can choose a man such as her husband over a child who begs for her love deserves nothing but heartache. i hate to admit this but i hope that's exactly what she is getting.
i've had it long enough. it's time it truly passes to her.
on a better note, the situation as it is now gives me great pleasure. pleasure as in i am so thankful that i have been through ever valley god has lead me. without them, i'd be another mathew in the world.
however, i have come to appreciate my friends as family. there's so many that'd do anything in the world for me that i cannot begin to name them as i would surely leave someone out. you all know who you are, though, and i am so thankful.
having said that, please understand when i say i love you and i consider you my family, it is no joke. those that are related to me by blood, my mother, namely, have long since given up on me. they have long since discounted my worth in their life and have continued on the twisted path they consider happiness.
it is on a long and winding road that i travel and it's you, my friends, who welcome me when the rain pours or hazards block the way. it is you and the memories and thoughts of seeing you brighten my day. i love and cherish each one of you.
christmas is coming soon... being in hawaii is not helping things as it is extremely difficult to be in the mood when the weather is so hot. nonetheless, in the spirit of christmas, i truly hope that love shines down and conquers all the bitterness around me.
it is my hope that people will realize that i am not a late car payment... i am a person and i have feelings.
god bless each and every one of you... even my sorry ass mother.
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2 comments:
WOW! Mathew, this will seem so harsh and as if bitterness is rearing its ugly head to many who will read this blog.
Being so close to my Mother, it has often been difficult for me to understand.I have lived it with you, and you have shared it with me(voicemails, certain actions etc.) and having learned from others in your past about the situation, I HOPE EVERYONE WHO READS THIS will know the facts and believe your hurt and pain. I have! It is real!
There are always two sides but you have never claimed innocence. You know you made mistakes, you have admitted that but you DID try to make it better. While I may not have understood your methods or agreed with them at times, you WERE making an effort. I only wish you had been met halfway instead of having "the person who was the main part of the problem to begin with" and should have kept their nose out of it, always be the one to contact you. They only continue to make things worse. IGNORANCE, at its best!
I speak only for myself, but am sure your many friends agree; you are a person with feelings, very genuine and deep feelings, often to many who have "not good" intentions. They will have to answer for their actions soon enough.
YOU are my best friend and I love you, so unconditionally. I cherish you and the friendship that we share. God has blessed me and your many friends with you. YOU ARE AWESOME AND AMAZING!! God Bless You!
Wendell
thanks, wendell.
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