if i tear up toby, will i get millions?

alright, alright, alright already. when is enough enough?

a couple is suing the hogle zoo in salt lake city for emotional distress after their children saw two monkeys having sex. the male child went home and allegedly tore his stuffed monkey to shreds while the little girl supposedly has nightmares about the primates chasing her in her nightmares.

(jennifer, this was not the gay monkeys we saw on logo the other day. whew... imagine if they'd seen that! haha.)

anyway, the suit is a multi-million dollar case. the family is mormon (go figure). god help them.

this is how the mother was quoted: "it was totally inappropriate," said sandra becker. "when we caught up to our children, i was totally shocked at what i saw and heard in that exhibit."

perhaps that's the first problem... in order to 'catch up' with your children - her offspring are ten and five - it means that they were either out of your sight and/or control. take care of your brats and maybe you can censor what they see. god help the children.

mrs. becker went on to say, "what happened at the zoo is an attack on our family values and religious beliefs." what the hell? family values? religious beliefs? how the hell does the strange woman believe even her children were born. certainly they're not from immaculate conception.

isn't the purpose of taking your child to the zoo, and even for yourself, to see animals in a natural habitat, although constructed by man? does this family not believe that monkeys get in on in the wild?

think the mom is strange? here's what the ignoramous dad said: "what happened at the zoo is criminal, in my opinion," the father becker said. "if those were two naked human beings in that cage having sexual contact, the zoo would be charged with sexual abuse. children, and even adults for that matter, should not be exposed to those acts."

what? humans in cages? why would humans be in cages at a zoo? i'm not say it doesn't happen - it's called bars where humans are in cages but unfortunately for this lass and lad, they won't be able to see inside those walls for years to come.

but it's a zoo, dude. they're animals. i've never seen an animal with a parking ticket, a murder charge or any criminal offense. they're not held accountable for their 'criminal' acts. then again, maybe there is a judge judy somewhere in their midst.

ugh. what is this world coming to? go get you a cup of mcdonald's coffee and pour it into you lap.

back to gay monkeys... in the wild, at least from the documentary jennifer and i watched, monkeys are very sexual creatures, having sex with each other notwithstanding sex or even kin. they bang anything that doesn't move.

even the zoo official acknowledged the same. "it's very difficult to prevent something like this from happening in a zoo of this size," said Olsen, the official. "even if we separate the males from females, there can still be problems."

we're animals. we all have sex. monkeys may do it more than humans... or most. haha.

but to say that wild animals having sex is an attack on family values is ridiculous. i understand the youth of the children but perhaps this is the perfect time for them to sit with them and explain, at least to the ten-year-old boy, the birds and the bees. then again, it might be against their family values to call it 'the birds and the bees.' surely birds and bees don't have sex, either.

it is in our middle and elementary schools where stories are reported all the time of children playing with each other and having sex.

i don't understand some people.

"even a million dollars," they said, "will not come close to off-setting the damage done by this incident. my children are ruined for life."

anyone care to go to the zoo and make some money?