i've had enough... i'm coming home.

alright... so i tried. i can't take anymore.

i don't know if the decision i made was the right one but i quit tonight. i had to. if i wanted to concentrate on all the bad things, i could. but, i tried to make the best of it.

anyway... there's a lot i haven't put on here as to what has been going on. believe me, though, i've hung in there. i believe this is the most patient i have ever been and the hardest i've ever tried to accomplish something.

in the back of my mind, i hear monte saying, 'you'll never make it.' i wanted to make it and at the same time prove him wrong.

however, this job is too stressful, the money is not there (i'm making less than $400 a week), and the management here sucks.

one of the most difficult decisions, which i knew would possess repercussions, happened tonight.

this is the bottom line: a guy - two actually - were fighting or wrestling, whatever you wish - when ones neck one snapped. one was paralyzed and remains in the hospital. the bar managemnt has chosen to cover it.

i can't work for them. i don't trust them. i don't like them.

and, as petty as it sounds, i was supposed to have an hour break. as i was finishing eating, my head bartender comes to me, addresses me as 'buddy' (this is his change from 'mat') and tells me i need to get back to work when i've only been gone less than half the time guaranteed.

this is also after last night when some stupid bitch pours honey, crushes lemons, limes and olives on the floor so to create more work for me.

i quit. went to my room to begin packing. mojo, the head bartender came to talk to me when i told him i'd made my decision. he told me i had to do what i had to do.

i told him this is what i had to do.

thirty minutes later, he called to 'ask' me to come back to work; he was short-staffed. not wanting to fuck-over everyone and after resistance, i went to work.

what happened: i was fucked over again! they sent me to a bar that was dead where i was the only server. i sold about $80 while i normally serve at least $500. in my place at my regular bar, they called in someone to replace me.

why not just leave my in my bar where he was 'short-staffed' and send the much-junior person to the dead bar?

i'm tired of it.

i can't do it anymore.

i miss home. i miss my friends. i know i can do better therel; at least make more money.

i don't know what i'm going to do right now. i don't get paid until thursday, which requires me to stay on the islands until then. i haven't researched flights.... even if i did, i only have a little money.

ugh.

i'm between a rock and a hard place but i just can't take it.

i'll call when i can.