just another day in paradise...

so, it's the last day of my tenth cruise. i'm halfway home! it is so weird: seems like just yesterday that i got here...

i bought an iPod yesterday. very sharp. it's black and i bought a 'skin' to protect it that looks like a tire. very masculine and cool, i think. i downloaded songs from the library here but obviously messed up. it put about 200 songs on it that i've never heard... and now that i have, clearly don't want. i'll fix that tonight after work, probably.

i was told by an anonymous poster (after i was addressed by 'MaTThew') that i 'appear to be a conceited, selfish young boy who is searching for manhood.' aren't we all? i'm very conceited at times. convinced more, though.

s/he also says that i won't 'find it in Hawaii.' who says i'm looking for manhood here? it's all about the money that i came, although that's certainly not what is happening. their belief is that hawaii is the 'place to hide from the cold harsh reality that your beauty, if in fact you are, is actually average and is not so different from everyone else.' amazing what someone can say about someone they don't know.

their final request... 'please take this opportunity to grow up and act like a man... not a boy who whines and complains about other people's success.' i'm growing each day, much like most people. and i don't believe i whine and complain about others success. in fact, i have recently lauded someone for their success, which took a lot to do.

but... i'm not here to answer to anonymous. rather, i wanted to acknowledge their post publicly and let them know... i've been a man for a while. there are times when i'm a boy and it's those times i still love myself and still happy to be who i am.

and my beauty, while i do believe it's average, is acknowledged pretty much every day. i don't have to look for compliments. my looks, along with my personality, are always appreciated by someone. as the saying goes, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

why must people try to break someone down all the time? when is that we can all look at each other as equals and get along? why is it that i fall into that trap sometimes, too? do we not realize that we all have feelings and that they, above all, should be respected?

it's clear this post was an attack... after all, my name is m-a-t-h-e-w, not 'maTThew.'

on to other things... there's a huge scandal on the ship right now. i've discussed it with a few people but am in a difficult position with what to do about it. (it does not involve me.) just makes my days on the ship a little bit harder.

we'll change bars again tomorrow. i'm not certain where i'll be but i know i'll be leaving pink's. i like the bar and the girls i work with but am kind of tired of the monotony. same entertainer each night, same guests, same songs.

hmmm... it's 2:10. i need to go shave and get ready for work. we're about to leave kauai.